Pimp Daddy Nutrageous
by Tropicana Raurenu
Summary: The Gundam Boys (oh, and that relena girl too...) go...well at least TRY to get to Vegas in a crammed car. Duo the Pimp, Heero in handcuffs, and Wufei high on surge. What more could you want? This fic was originally written by me under a different name


Heero Wing Zero showed me many futures...but none like this. I'm never going on another vacation ever again...   
  
DuoThis is Heero's log of the entire trip! It rocked! After each diary entry from Heero, (he's so uptight about this... I don't see why he got so upset..." Is a scene from our video camera mounted on the dashboard of our car!   
  
Quatre That was my idea...   
  
Duo and we're mighty proud of ya, bro.   
  
Heero ........   
  
DAY 1:   
  
I can't believe I'm doing this... there is no way I'm driving a car all the way to Vegas with these five... Already I've gotten a preview of things to come... We left from Chicago, Illinois with all our bags on the roof. I feel like a member of the Griswold family... We COULD'VE been there already but Relena got pissed if I went past five over the speed limit. Let me give you the low down of this trip. I'm driving in a blue VW Beetle that plays "Home on the Range" when you beep the horn. Yes, the crappiest car ever. To my right, in the middle, is Quatre. I'm sick of that blondie already. He tries to act like the happy little road-ruler, with songs like 99 bottles of beer on the wall, the license plate game, and a bathroom break at every truck stop we pass. Next to him is Relena, the navigator. I don't think she knows how to read a road map... In the back right is Duo. He's quite excited about Vegas, and is already planning on how to gamble without being caught, and then telling us about how he will spend his winnings pimping with hot chicks and fast cars. *ugh* In the middle back is Trowa. He spends a lot of time talking about Catherine, but when you ask him anything, he suddenly has a relapse of his amnesia and "forgets." Lastly, behind me, is Wufei. He's the only one who hasn't caused a serious problem. He doesn't talk much, but insists on calling every inanimate object that he could possibly look at "Nataku." The car is Nataku, his seat belt is Nataku, the road map is Nataku, and the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror are, guess what? Nataku. It's gonna be a long trip...   
  
VIDEO FOOTAGE -   
  
Heero **turns on the camera**   
Duo Does it work???   
Heero yeah...   
Duo *grins and waves*   
Quatre 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer...   
Trowa We haven't even starting driving yet...   
Quatre take one down pass it around...   
Relena *opens up the road map and stares at it blankly*   
Duo Yeah! We be riding to Vegas in the PIMPMOBILE!!!   
Wufei Nataku?   
Duo PIMPMOBILE!!!  
Quatre 98 bottles of beer on the wall 98 bottles of beer...   
Wufei ..........   
Trowa .........   
Duo Man don't be so uptight...   
Quatre take one down pass it around...   
Duo 97 bottles of beer on the wall *stands up and beeps the horn* 97 bottles of beeeer!!!   
Relena *blink blink* what...what are all those lines on this map? *points at the roads*   
Heero *turns on the radio and glares at the camera*   
Wufei Trowa where are we going?   
Trowa I don't remember...and...who are you???   
Duo *coughs* dumbass...   
Trowa I'm...so...cold...   
Heero *sighs and starts the engine*   
(fade to black)   
  
DAY 2:  
  
Duo's Pimpinitis is getting worse. We stopped at a truck stop for Quatre, and he bought a pair of Oakley sunglasses. He wears those things 24 hours, now, and constantly sings "Big Pimpin'" By Jay-Z. I wouldn't mind that, but it is damn annoying 'cause he doesn't know the words. He also found a big stick on the side of the road that he's been using as a cane. He calls the stick "Hilde." Sometimes I wonder what he does with that thing when nobody is looking... 0_o We should arrive in Vegas, tomorrow, though... Thank God...  
  
VIDEO FOOTAGE  
  
Quatre Let's play the license plate game!!! I see one from Alabama...and Illinois...oh look! There's one all the way from Canada...*gawk*   
Duo Cuz we be Big Pimpin Big Pimpin... ba dadadadadada Big Pimpin Big Pimpin...   
Trowa *twitch twitch* turn on the heater... I'm... freezing...   
Duo *waving his stick* Big Pimpin Big Pimpin... cash money money Pimpin Pimpin BIG Pimpin...  
  
Wufei Stop... that... infernal... singing... I'm... trying to think...  
Quatre Texas... Another Alabama... ooo! New Mexico!   
Heero God finally somebody agrees with me... *hunches over the steering wheel and squints* Relena where are we?  
Relena ZZZZZzzzzzzzz...  
Heero great.  
Relena IM AWAKE... we're...here... in this...big blue thing.   
Heero Relena that's a lake...  
  
DAY 3: Today we found out that Relena was holding the map upside down, therefore we are somewhere in Canada... Please God kill me... get me out of here...  
  
VIDEO FOOTAGE:  
  
Relena *crying* I didn't mean it...   
Quatre *hugs Relena* It's ok...   
Duo da peemp is in da house... I can't wait 'fo them casinos... all them bitches 'gon be all over da Shinigami... *beeps the horn with his stick*   
Heero Don't do that! Do you want us to crash?   
Trowa We're in Canada, eh? Did you ever notice how they always say eh?  
Quatre are there truck stops in Canada? I need to go potty, eh?  
Heero No...we're not stopping anymore...and stop with that damn Canadian bull...   
Quatre *whimper*  
Wufei *just stares out the window*   
Relena I'm sorry... really I am... I just... I just thought...eh?   
Heero *whips a handgun out of the glove compartment and aims it at Relena*   
Quatre *pushes Heero's hand away*   
Duo Hey! Don't hurt Relena, eh! She's mah number one bitch... *dives into the front seat*   
Trowa Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! eh?   
Quatre *is thrown into the camera*  
*static*  
(just before fading to black, you hear Wufei)  
Wufei YOU BROKE NATAKU!!!!  
  
DAY 4: Nothing much today... Must...get...back to US.... Quatre found an injured mouse, and now that's also in the car. Pimp Daddy Nutrageous finally shut up, too. Wufei broke his stick in half. Duo hasn't talked much since then... I'm going to kill somebody before the day is done...  
  
Duo *sits there with a blank, devastated look on his face*   
Wufei come on, Braid boy...it isn't THAT BAD.   
Duo You...broke...Hilde... *twitch*   
Wufei come on, Duo... there's plenty of other sticks out on the side of the road, right?   
Duo But none like Hilde... You broke her...  
Heero *grr....*   
Quatre Come on guys... lighten up... how about a song, eh? Row row row your boat gently down the stream... *strokes mouse*   
Heero damnit just put that rat out of its misery...   
Quatre *whimper*  
Trowa Hey let Quatre be, eh?   
Quatre Trowa... *starry eyed*   
Trowa Man you're scaring me, eh?   
Heero We're not even in Canada anymore!!!   
Trowa What? Who are you? Where are we? eh?   
Heero *slams head on steering wheel*   
Wufei don't slam your head against Nataku!!!   
(fade to black)  
  
DAY 5: Everybody's getting worried about Duo... Except for me. I don't care... At least he can't beep the horn anymore. Quatre's injured animal collection is getting larger. We now have three mice, a squirrel, a rabbit, and a vulture. It's really starting to smell in this car... We stopped for gas, and bought Surge and some Snickers bars... that was the WORST move...   
  
VIDEO FOOTAGE:  
  
Duo ......... *twitch twitch* Hilde...   
Heero DAMNIT SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!!!   
Duo ........   
Quatre 56 bottles of...   
Heero you too...   
Quatre *breaks out in tears and hugs all the injured animals*   
Wufei *has 6 empty Surge cans on his lap, and is now violently shaking* Uh...guys?   
Heero WHAT NOW?!?!?!   
Wufei Theres a thing and the thing went... well it went and *twitch* these Snickers are really good and *twitch* and the thing went... like... and then there was this other thing and...   
Trowa *slaps Wufei* Chill out, eh?   
Heero Can't... take... it... anymore... *slowly pulls handgun out of glove compartment*   
Relena Heero? Where are we?   
Heero *looks out the window* REEEEELEEEEENAAAAAA!!!!!   
(fade to black)  
  
DAY 6: We are never going to get to Vegas. NEVER, DO YOU HEAR ME???? Relena, the faithful navigator, SOMEHOW got us to FRANCE!!!!! How in the hell do you get to France without crossing an ocean? ASK RELENA THE ROCKET SCIENTIST!!! Anyway, we picked up a hitchhiker named Howard today. He's a guy with sunglasses, and a Hawaiin shirt. Since there was no more room in the car, we voted to tie Relena to the roof. We stopped for gas and directions, and Duo found a new stick. Pimp Daddy Nutrageous is back... Just when this trip was looking up...   
  
Heero FRANCE???? HOW IN THE HELL???   
Duo I wonder if I could Pimp Mona Lisa... I bet I could... Cuz I be Big Pimpin Big Pimpin...badadadadadada....*beeps the horn with his new stick*   
Heero *twitch*   
Quatre Heero I'm thirsty...  
Howard Tell it to Wufei... he drank all the Surge... but then again... he hasn't blinked since I showed up...   
Wufei *sits there, bug eyed* The thing...you gotta listen to me... it went... *twitch*   
Quatre Do you think we should call a doctor? Caffeine is a mild drug...   
Trowa He'll be fine, eh. Just buzzin...   
*a few moments of silence*   
Howard Hey...do you hear knocking?   
Trowa That's just Relena, eh.   
Howard oh...heehee...   
Relena *muffled* Heeeeeeeeeeeeeero!!   
  
(fade to black)   
  
DAY 7: We got in a minor accident today. Duo was beeping the horn... and we ran into a ditch. Luckily, a trucker named Sally Po gave us assistance, and directions. I think we are now in somewhere out of Nevada... don't ask how we got there in one day, but we're almost to our destination... if we make it there, though, its a cold day in hell...  
  
VIDEO FOOTAGE:   
  
Quatre uh...wanna play the Sign game? Just name every sign of every store you see... we're in the city so it should be fun...   
Heero if you're idea of fun is...   
Wufei *names every store in a 5 mile radius in a 3 second period* *twitch*   
Quatre *blink blink*   
Trowa man that Surge really hit him good, eh?   
Heero If I hear that Canadian crap once more...   
Duo Lay off Trowa, eh????   
Heero THATS IT!! *hits the brakes and dives into the back seat*   
Howard hey guess what? We're only a few hours out of Vegas!   
Duo *throws Heero back into the drivers seat and pulls out a pair of handcuffs* I didn't want to do this. I was saving these for pimpin' those bitches, but it just has to be done. Feel the wrath of Pimp Daddy!!!   
Quatre bitches? *confused blink*   
Howard Poor boy is so naive...   
Duo *cuffs Heero to the steering wheel*   
Heero damn you Maxwell!!!   
Duo now DRIVE!!! Drive Yuy!!! HAAHAA!!! *beeps the horn with his new stick, Hilde II*   
Heero when I get out of this you are all so dead...   
*pause*   
Trowa did you guys just hear a thump? Eh?   
Wufei I think... I think Relena just fell off...   
*everybody in the car cheers*   
Heero *smiles for the first time on this trip   
(fade to black)   
  
DAY 8: This is Duo, #1 Pimp Daddy Nutrageous! We arrived in Vegas today! Viva Las Vegas! I'm gonna be pimpin the second I get out of this car! Cuz I be Big Pimpin Big Pimpin...and... I don't know the words. Anyway, Heero is unable to write due to...uh... circumstances beyond my control... well... maybe they ARE my control. *hides keys to handcuffs quickly* Nor can he work the camera, so that's about it. We're signing off from the Pimpmobile! *twirls Hilde II and beeps the horn* I can't wait for the ride home!!!   
  
Heero NOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
